Garden Gnome v. Jack, Elf of the Flickering Fairies

Germans have their boring old garden gnomes:


The Garden Gnome just sits there, smiling idiotically. He doesn’t even use any electricity. How pathetic.

Dynamic Americans, in line with their general tendency to kick ass (cf. moon landing, World War II, Cheez Whiz), have something much more, well, kick-ass.

World, brace yourselves for Jack, Elf of the Flickering Fairies:


Jack, the Elf of the Flickering Fairies, is a "typical elf": "rambunctious" and "mischievious." By day, he’s transparent. At night, when you plug him in, his rainbow light "will flicker for five seconds, and then will seem to disappear for six seconds. And just when you think he is gone, he lights up again."

Really, you ungrateful foreigners, how can you stay angry at a country that gave you — yes, I’m going to write the whole name again — Jack, Elf of the Flickering Fairies?

[Hat-tip: Ed Philp]

3 thoughts on “Garden Gnome v. Jack, Elf of the Flickering Fairies

  1. Boring old garden gnomes? Hell, modern garden gnomes in Germany live in a world of decadence, violence, and sex. So there are also pornographic gnomes like dominas, S/M slaves, exihibitionists and gay gnomes, naturally gnomes having sex (with a motion detector!), gnomes smoking a joint or dead gnomes with a knife in the back or an ax in the head.

    See for example:


  2. Americans also kick ass when it comes to Christmas lighting. If you need proof, take a stroll through Brooklyn residential areas next Christmas. Over here in the olde world, this motherf@%*ing “Besinnlichkeit” (reflectiveness) which reigns at Christmas time is making people depressed and leads to the killings and suicides that are typical for this season.


  3. Garden gnomes are no longer boring and how dare you say so ­čÖé In fact, I’m a big fan of the collegiate gnomes. I got myself a university of flordia gnome and I love it. I didn’t actually put mine in my garden though, it’s in my office. If you havn’t looked into it, Gnomes have quite and history and are have actually made quite an impact on pop-culture


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s