So I switch on the BBC this morning for my morning dose of news, and I find that my cable television lineup has changed. Instead of the Beeb, I get DMAX TV (G), which is a new German cable channel for hairy-backed manly men who like to grill, build monster trucks, work on home construction projects, and knit delicate, lavender-scented lace doilies.
Being a hairy-backed manly man myself, I was immediately captivated, and forgot the sniveling weenies of the BBC. On DMAX, I watched an episode of Monster Garage, a show about a group of beefy American he-men who take normal cars and bolt a lot of serious metal to them to turn them into Monster Cars and Monster Trucks. Here is the intro:
This morning’s episode featured a car which had been specially altered to run on railroad tracks. They raced it against a 100-ton steam locomotive built in 1922, and the locomotive won — because the car derailed and came to the proverbial screeching halt 4 feet* before the finish line.
What made me laugh out loud was that the whole show had been dubbed into German. The host of the original version is a guy named Jesse James who narrates the whole show — every last word — in a GUTTURAL SCREAM OF MANLY EXCITEMENT!
German dubbing is nothing if not faithful to the original, so this meant the poor sod who had dub Monster Truck into German also had to use his KEHLIGER SCHREI DER MAENNLICHEN AUFREGUNG! I picture him as a thin, bald drama-school dropout in a black turtleneck, chain-smoking in some studio somewhere in the German hinterland, bitterly mocking the vulgarity of Jesse James and ruing the day he decided to follow his thespian dreams.
But the show was pretty fun.
* That’s 1.3245555332 meters, for you nancy-boys who use the metric system.