This just in:
Rumours had been swirling in recent weeks that the US government was considering a drastic solution to the recent collapse of the dollar. But analysts and politicians have still been taken unaware by this historic and startling decision. One of the first to issue a public rebuke was Representive Tom Plunger of Jackson County.
"This isn’t about markets or business or stuff like that," he said. "This is about our culture, our very society, being sold off to the Europeans! Why do you think we renamed French fries freedom fries? To stop something like this from happening!"