Thanks to commenter alewu for tipping me to this:
"I have a strong connection to animals. I had worms once."
Helge Schneider (g)
Here's a Schneider classic (h/t Schorsch), Wurstfachverkäuferin. You could translate this as "Sausage Counter Girl", but that doesn't convey the bureaucratic pomposity of the original. "Specially-Trained Sausage Saleswoman" comes closer. Anyway, just have a look:
I should create one of these for law school…