Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, Part XXVI: Scorched Earth and Car Batteries in Your Local Park

nice things

On May 7, a bunch of cars pulled up to the Volkspark Freidrichshain in Berlin. Men dragged 12 whole, skinned sheep carcasses out of the autos. Then they dumped a bunch of charcoal briquets directly on the grass and set them on fire. Then they set up impromptu rotisseries driven by car batteries.

Car batteries. Right next to open flame.

The police tweet naturally didn’t identify the ethnicity of the offenders, but people have noted that May 6 is an important day in some Orthodox (hint hint) calendars.

To repeat the tiresome but necessary disclaimer: Does this mean that all Slavs are hillbillies who think nothing of destroying public property? Of course not; I know plenty of immigrants from Slavic countries who love Germany’s wonderful parks, and would no more think of littering in them than they would of congratulating America for winning World War II.

That is because they are educated, civilized, responsible people. The sort of immigrants which create a positive win-win effect anywhere.

Yet for every conscientious, employable immigrant (who can come from any country in the world) whom Germany welcomes, it seems to welcome at least one, how shall I put this, dumb hillbilly (who also exist in every country in the world). And when you get a critical mass of dumb hillbillies, they start doing the kinds of things in Germany that they do at home. Including incinerating large patches of grass on public property. Because, of course, dumb hillbillies are too poor to afford to buy their own private property, on which they can do what they please.

This is why it’s important to make sure there is a widespread, unspoken social consensus on what you can and can’t do in parks. Parks are free and open to the public. Anyone can use them. Which also means anyone can trash them. Dumb hillbillies trash parks the world over, because they are too dumb, selfish, and short-sighted to understand the long-term, collective benefit of keeping public spaces green and clean.

These statements are self-evident truths understood by all reasonably intelligent and worldly people. Germany’s ruling elites have, for some reason (probably having to do with “our dark history”), persuaded themselves to pretend these self-evident truths no longer apply.

And people who just want to enjoy a nice walk in the park pay the price.

Drip, drip, drip…